Don’t buy this book (The durgs mix)

No one should read this book.

ferret-files-cover-smlIf you enjoy a good conspiracy tale don’t buy this book. Buy Dan Brown instead. He needs the money. If you think that secret societies are mundane and boring, this isn’t the book for you. If you’re frightened that a secret society might recruit your children, this still isn’t the book for you. Governments the world over are infested with secret society goons. Once they realise their secret is out, they won’t like it. If you buy The Ferret Files, the intelligence services will know. Eventually they’ll track you down and scrub away at your memories until you forget who you are and can only say ‘wibble,’ while being spoon fed porridge. It’s simply not worth the hassle. It’s safer to never set eyes on it.

cocaine2If you like a tale of drugs and mayhem, don’t buy this book. Everyone knows it’s far more fun to take drugs than read about taking drugs, even if the drugs in the novel are better than anything you’ve ever snorted in your life. And besides, your dope dealer needs your money to support his bling habit. He won’t be happy if you short-change him. Don’t find yourself in a position where you can’t afford to party because you ignored this advice and bought a book instead.

The intelligence services are relentless. Once they realise what this novel is about, it will find its way onto their dark list. Govbots will come for your iPads and iPhones, Kindle Fire readers and tablets. Any electronic device that once hosted this book will be blitzed. Deleting it will make no difference. When they find you, your brain will be liquefied and pumped out through your nose into jars. Wibble will be your favourite word of the day.

Please heed this warning. Don’t go there.

P.S. This book might just be the worst Christmas present ever. Who in their right mind would celebrate the birth of our Lord Santa Claus by subjecting friends and family to a plague of soulless govbots programmed for brain sanitisation?

Yours playfully,

The Author

(For those of you who hate being told what to do click here)




%d bloggers like this: